wedding review: Susmita Patel (hair/makeup)

Susmita Patel
Review: Communication was a bit difficult, but she absolutely came through 110% on our wedding day. The epitome of professional, she was calm, cool, collected, and quick! I couldn't have been happier with mine, and my family's looks!

By most accounts, our wedding weekend went off without a hitch, and I am constantly asked for advice by friends with upcoming weddings. I always respond with the same two pieces - (1) most of the things that you think are a huge deal probably aren't going to make or break the wedding, and (2) everything always works out in the end. Such was the case with Susmita, who we booked to do our hair, makeup, and sari draping. She came recommended by some friends from Florida, where she often traveled to work at Indian weddings.

The good:
*Susmita was always calm and cool, even when I (and my mother) were super frazzled or frustrated. During the wedding, she was probably the most collected person in our hotel suite, pinning up hair or touching up makeup without missing a beat. She even stopped to give me a quick massage when I was having an 'OMG I'm going to lose it' moment!
*Susmita arrived at the hotel early and stayed with me for the entire day with her assistant. She handled touch-ups during my pictures, and fixed me up just after the wedding ceremony was over.
*She's got a great resume, having worked with Hollywood artists for starters, and has been in the business for years and years.
*She is FAST and CREATIVE. She does hair and makeup quicker than I've ever seen a professional work, and the results are truly a work of art.
*She's honest, and will tell you if she thinks a particular look will work for you or not. I was drawn to casual, piece-y updos, but she did not think it would work well for my hair texture or color. Instead, she suggested a sleek (but not tight) updo accented by flowers that matched my sari. Truly perfection.
*That's not to say she won't listen. I'm a minimal makeup kind of girl, and I didn't want a heavy look at all. She stayed true to my comfort level, but still made me look better than I ever thought I could look.
*My mother and mother-in-law loved her. They're both a bit picky about hair/makeup, and loved what she did.
*She can tie a sari about a thousand different ways. Amazing.
*She has an arsenal of makeup and tools, and she comes fully prepared. For example, my skin was less than stellar on the day of my wedding, and she airbrushed it to near perfection.

The not-so-good:
*The number one frustration I had with Susmita was some trouble communicating. I often did not hear back from her for some time following my calls/emails, and when I would try to call or leave a message, her voicemail box was full. My biggest worry was that I wanted to sign a contract beyond our verbal agreement to secure our date, and also that she might be flaky on our wedding day. Looking back, I can say this: Susmita is an incredibly hard-working person, and she basically runs her own business. She was also working to open her own salon/spa, and was super busy on that end. She tried to reassure me numerous times that although she is very busy, when it counts, she is always 100% focused on her bride and bride's family. Did I have a right to be frustrated and worried? Probably. Do I look back with any regrets to booking her? Absolutely not.

Lessons Learned:
*If you can (and if your wedding day schedule might call for it), try and book Susmita for the entire day. It was great having her available to fix me up just after the wedding, and for touch-ups during my morning and afternoon photos.
*Bring inspirational photos if you have them, but keep an open mind. Susmita (or any good hair/makeup artist) should be honest about what will or will not work for you. After all, your work is what keeps their business going, and it's in their interest to make you look your best.
*For Indian weddings, having someone who can do hair, makeup, AND draping is a godsend. I only included my mother, mother-in-law, and sister-in-law in my wedding party, so Susmita and her assistant were all we needed for the day. Most artists will advise you on whether they'll need to bring on more assistants, etc., depending on the size of your wedding party.
*Do a trial or two to make sure you feel comfortable with your final look. Make sure you have the look(s) squared away so you can calmly sit back and get beautiful on your big day.
*I know everyone says this, but it bears repeating. Don't do anything you aren't comfortable with. You want to look like yourself...just a better version of yourself. If you don't normally wear heavy eye makeup, your wedding day is not the time for a smokey eye. You'll regret it every time you look back at your photos.

Susmita recently opened her own salon/spa - Studio Sush. It was her lifelong dream and I couldn't be happier for her. I suspect that future brides will have a much easier time scheduling meetings or trials now that she has a salon. Susmita is multi-talented, a true professional, and a pleasure to work with. She was without a doubt one of our favorite vendors, and I would recommend her services to anyone and everyone!

wedding review: Pampered Bride Weddings (planner)

Pampered Bride Weddings

Review: Eager and excited to work with us, but ended up being a disappointment in the end. Limited meetings meant we could not get to know them well. On the expensive side. Based on how much we personally had planned and organized, we probably did not need them.

For about 7 months of our engagement, I was convinced I did not need the help of a wedding planner or coordinator. I had very specific ideas about things and planned to do a lot of it myself. I had also booked all of my vendors by that point, so I saw little need for a planner. That is, until I decided to sit for my preliminary oral examinations just 3 weeks before the wedding. During a meeting with both of our parents, we started to feel truly overwhelmed...not by the planning itself, but the details that would need to be managed on our wedding day. We decided that an outside day-of-coordinator might be just what we needed.

I had a fairly difficult time booking a DOC for our day...originally wanting an Indian coordinator who would know the traditions/customs and how best to deal with our guests. I eventually settled on Pampered Bride Weddings...a company featured on Whose Wedding Is It Anyway. My main liaison was Melissa Loiacono.

The good:

*At our first meeting, Melissa seemed very eager to work with us, and excited about what we were planning. She mentioned that she had helped coordinate one other Indian wedding, which partially put my mind at ease.

*PBW has pretty airtight guidelines and contract. The terms of your contract are clearly laid out...as well as associated pricing.

*Depending on the size of your wedding, your main liaison will bring 1-2 assistants on your day. Though it'll cost you extra.

*They have worked with a ton of vendors around NY/NJ. For example, they had worked with our photographers, and when we had some communication issues, Melissa stepped in and helped smooth things over.

*I believe they do design work and more extensive planning - having contacts with MANY vendors in the area. If you need those sort of services, PBW might better serve you in a fuller capacity (as opposed to just DOC).

The not-so-good:

*Their pricing is on the high side...perhaps because they are featured on tv? You can definitely find a coordinator that is more reasonably priced.

*The most annoying thing for me...my contract entitled us to only 2 meetings prior to the wedding beyond the the initial consultation. This leads me to my next gripe:

*I didn't feel as if I got to know my coordinator (or her assistants) very well. I don't think my family was super comfortable with them either. This created part of the tension that was felt on our day.

*They seemed not to know boundaries too well. Melissa and her 2 assistants came to my family's suite and stayed for the entire morning (this could be fairly common, I'm not sure). Now, imagine my family of 4, hair/makeup person and her assistant, 2 photographers, 1 videographer, and 3 wedding coordinators...all in one suite! And imagine how you and your family feel before the wedding has started. Needless to say, we were totally on edge, and having so many strangers in the room only made it worse. They were sitting in our room, having their own conversations, trying on our bindis without asking, and generally raising the tension level of everyone. Eventually my mom kicked them out of our room! To their credit, they did offer to help out, but there wasn't that much for them to do...

Lessons Learned:

*Really think about why you might need a coordinator/planner and delineate their roles accordingly. In my case, it turned out that they really just served as an extra pair of hands - and ones we rarely relied on since we had family and friends to help.

*Review your contract and what you are entitled to. I was disappointed in only having 2 meetings prior to the wedding. Perhaps if I had additional or unlimited meetings, I would have felt more comfortable delegating responsibilities.

*Shop around and book early. Anyone featured on a tv program or popular wedding magazine will have a significant markup, in my opinion.

*Get your family involved with the coordinator, so everyone is comfortable.

*Don't be afraid to speak up and ask for something to be done (or not done)! Our coordinators did some things I found to be a tad unprofessional (or at the very least rude and overstepping their boundaries)...I wish I could have spoken up instead of waiting for my mother to kick them all out of the room!

*Find out early if your venue offers a 'chaperone' or on-site coordinator. At hotels, for example, the catering manager or events planner will often act in some capacity as a DOC for you.

Overall, I probably didn't need to hire a DOC. I had a catering manager working pretty closely with me through the Hyatt (though I wasn't aware of this fact until 2 days before the wedding). We had also done a really good job of having everything organized and ready to go for each event. I might have been better off tasking a friend to help out, or just hiring an independent coordinator who might have been cheaper and more accommodating.

wedding review: Moghul catering

Moghul Caterers

Review: Wonderful food and presentation. Amazing variety and creative menus. A bit disorganized at first, but they pulled through in the end.

When quizzed on the best Indian restaurant in NJ, most Indians will respond with Moghul. I still remember those random trips to Edison, NJ (AKA: little India) as some of my earliest memories...going from shop to shop for groceries, jewelry, or saris, and finishing up with lunch or dinner at the restaurant. I've always known that I wanted Moghul to cater our wedding. Moghul handles several events throughout the year, all over the country. We were lucky enough to have them close by, and also have them be an exclusive outside caterer of the Hyatt.

The good:

*The food is outstanding. People still come to us and rave about our wedding food...and not just the dinner at the reception. Our guests remember the kati rolls served at the Saturday lunch, and the assorted mithai artfully displayed for consumption at the Friday night dinner. Because our guest list was mixed, we requested that the food be mild to moderately spicy. Moghul came through without sacrificing flavor!

*Moghul has grown tremendously in the last decade or so, during which time they opened Ming, a Pan-Asian fusion restaurant. Ming-inspired food is available through the main catering wing. Thus, we had Manchurian chicken passed out during cocktail hour, and a few other Asian-inspired pieces to mix things up.

*Our main liaison was Payal, who has been working in the family business of catering and food management for years. Although she appeared disorganized at first, she was critical in helping design a creative and varied menu for the entire weekend...from every lunch and dinner, to the warm kachoris provided at the Sunday brunch. She was also quite patient with us as we adjusted our guest list numbers and finalized menu options...always drawing up new contracts and negotiating reduced rates here and there where she could.

*Moghul's presentation of the food was superb. They'll take a plain, long catering table, and display the food so well...it's almost too pretty to eat! Our cocktail hour featured a few food stations manned by staff, housed underneath sequined umbrellas and canopies. It was a spectacle, but in a good way!

*The food tasting is generous and thorough. We left stuffed, and confident in our choices. We also were able to bring the entire family to enjoy the free food!

*Like many of our other vendors, Moghul has worked with the Hyatt, and Elegant Affairs in the past. The setup and communication between vendors happened seamlessly and behind-the-scenes.

*Moghul provided detailed cards next to each food, with a name and brief description. This was greatly appreciated by many of our non-Indian guests.

*They are not limited to North-Indian fare...in fact, our Friday night dinner was pretty authentic South-Indian! If an item isn't specifically on the menu...the chefs will try and create it!

The not-so-good:

*As previously stated, they were a bit disorganized at first. We were originally in contact with one liaison, only to be shuffled to another...and then another! Our tasting was scheduled quite late (even though we booked them over a year out), and only after we sent a gentle reminder. This disorganization disappeared as time went on, and we were able to have timely and productive meetings in the month or so leading up to the wedding.

Tips:

*Be familiar with the rates and contracts up front...catering has several 'hidden' costs in my opinion, that can really add up. Having your guest list numbers ahead of time (or a good approximation) can help tremendously.

*Keep an open mind during the food tasting, but go with your gut (har-dee-har). Yes, many people love pav bhaji...but I don't, and argued not to include it in our menu. And rasmalai is my favorite Indian treat, so I insisted it be served at lunch just after the wedding, when most guests could enjoy it.

*Make sure you inform each of your vendors about each others' main contact people. Moghul has so much staff, that it was imperative I keep the Hyatt in the loop about who I was working with.

As you can see, we have so few gripes, and only praise for Moghul. Strangely, I have spoken to a few people who were less than pleased with their catering experience. In fact, I've had Moghul-catered food at other events, and was less than pleased! I'd say that you should keep things fairly simple...choose standard but flavorful dishes that will appeal to a variety of people. They aren't cheap, and they certainly aren't the only Indian caterer in the tri-state area, but they are the best (in my opinion). If you can't use them for a wedding...consider them to cater your next lunch party! Really, our only regret with Moghul Caterers is that we were so busy during the wedding festivities, that we were unable to eat and enjoy the food ourselves!

wedding review: DJ Shilpa

Shilpa Sabharwal (DJ Shilpa)

Review: A crowd pleaser and great to work with! Very accommodating and really listens. Sometimes a bit tough to get ahold of, but the ultimate professional on the day of the wedding!

The first thing you'll want to do when choosing your wedding entertainment is to decide between a DJ or a band. I'll admit...I don't know the first thing about looking for bands! We went with a DJ because there is nothing I like better than dancing to pop or hip-hop at a wedding. We also had a very mixed guestlist (Indian and non-Indian, young and old), and knew that we wanted someone who kept up with both Indian music (and could play the classics and current Bollywood hits) and American music. Enter DJ Shilpa.

We found her (that's right - her!) through my brother's friend from Rutgers University. Shilpa went to Rutgers, during which time she started her business with her partner, Neel. She has been DJing for just about a decade now, and the two of them together are a dynamic and efficient team. They went above and beyond for us...not only dealing with the music aspects, but most of the other technical stuff going on...our lighting, our video screens, etc. We've recommended her to EVERYONE we know, and couldn't have been happier.

The good:

*We met with Shilpa several times throughout our planning process. She took TONS of notes each time and not only answered all of our questions, but asked several of her own. I'd say by the time the wedding rolled around, she knew our personalities best as compared to all of our other wedding vendors.

*Shilpa has an awesome ability to read a crowd and choose music based on this overall mood. She switched between Indian and non-Indian music effortlessly, and amazingly kept EVERYONE on the dance floor throughout the night. Too often, you will see the Indian guests exit the dancefloor when Kanye or JT are played, but this wasn't the case at all at our reception.

*We booked Shilpa when she was really starting to grow her business. She was willing to take risks and experiment with lighting and video, and excited about doing so throughout our planning process. For example, we chose to do uplighting around the entire ballroom to create a more ambient and romantic effect...although we had originally chosen amber light for the entire night, Shilpa decided at the last minute to have the lights change colors in a subtle, morph-y kind of way. It made for an AMAZING backdrop, and was a huge hit with our guests!

*Shilpa was present for the entire day...she oversaw the sound aspects during the wedding, and later, the complete setup (and music, of course) for the reception. She repeatedly checked in with us to see how things were going, but wasn't at all invasive.

*Shilpa was really honest with us, on everything from whether our screens would be too big and in-you-face, to our music choices for introductions. We tended to be on the indecisive side, so her honesty was both refreshing and extremely helpful in moving us along.

*I can't attest to what her pricing is like now, but when we booked her it was very very fair. I wouldn't be surprised if she has since increased her pricing, but in my opinion, her services are worth it (and still cheaper than some of the more well-known Indian DJs in the tri-state area).

*She knew our day's schedule backwards and forwards. It was a real help because she was pretty self-sufficient on our wedding day.

The not-so-good:

*In the beginning, Shilpa was tough to get ahold of....she tended to return our phone calls, but not our emails. It was very frustrating at the time (when you are especially manic about booking everything), but in the weeks leading up to our wedding she totally stepped it up and was there whenever we needed her. I know her business was growing fast at that time, and I think she just needed to get a better handle on managing it all.

*We put together a list of songs that we definitely wanted played at the wedding (*ahem* Journey), but never heard them! We later found out that had we provided Shilpa with the digital files ourselves, it wouldn't have been an issue. I *think* other DJs will just purchase music that you request from them, but I'm not sure. In any case...it was a minor annoyance (although someone did request Britney as our final song and all was right in my world), but something you should be aware of when working with her.

*Our lighting and other technical aspects turned out AWESOME, but it came at a price. I have no means of comparison, but I know uplighting around a room is expensive (and we had an entire ballroom to light!) I still think her pricing is fair, but you can always shop around for the technical stuff, and just leave the DJing to her. We wanted everything in one package, and didn't have the time to research other vendors, so we just went with her.

Tips:

*I think that personal recommendations are the best way to choose your wedding music! Ask around and ask early!

*Don't hold back...it's better to be honest and open with your DJ about your personalities, as well as those of your guests. If the music is good at your wedding, people will remember...providing your DJ with personal details with really help with the music selection and general tempo of the night.

*If you want specific music played at certain points, make sure your DJ has it in his/her library. If it's missing, find out whether you need to obtain it, or whether he/she will do it for you.

*Give your DJ a detailed schedule of your day's events (actually this is a good thing to do for all of your vendors).

*Make sure you go over the pronunciation of every name with your DJ (Shilpa asked us for these)...nothing more embarrassing than a butchered wedding party name!

*If you are looking for a dramatic punch to your decor, uplighting is the best way to achieve it. It can transform a room! But, it doesn't come cheap, so ask about it early and shop around. Often, your DJ will have this equipment, and you can simply do everything through their service. This might make things more seamless on your wedding day.

*We had 2 projector screens in the front of the ballroom, and a plasma screen in front of the DJ booth in the back. We ran a continuous slideshow of pictures (baby, youth, and family) on the larger screens, and had our photogs show some 'teaser' pics from the morning events on the plasma screens. Shilpa was instrumental in setting all of this up for us, and our guests loved them!

We obviously have more positives than negatives, and on the day of the wedding, DJ Shilpa was the consummate professional. We couldn't have asked for more!

wedding review: weddingwindow.com

Weddingwindow.com

{Website to design/create your wedding website}

Review: Very user-friendly and organized...offers a ton of styles and potential categories. Especially good for 'website dummies' like myself (i.e., it's idiotproof) - it takes the guesswork out of trying to organize things yourself.

I am a planner who needs as many details as possible in advance - especially when we travel. In my humble opinion, you really can't have too much information (ok maybe you can, but more on that later...). Because we had so many out-of-town guests, having all of our wedding-related details in one accessible place was important. August is also a peak travel time to/from the NY/NJ area, and I wanted to ensure that guests had plenty of time to book plane tickets.

Weddingwindow was recommended to me by a friend who had planned her own destination wedding in Mexico. We had such a positive experience using it throughout our planning process! We opted for the 18-month plan, which costs $99. We also chose to pay an additional fee for our own domain name - wifeandhusband.com is much easier to remember than wifeandhusband.weddingwindow.com.

The good:

*There are tons of styles and backgrounds to choose from - even more now than when we started back in 2008. You aren't boxed into a floral background or hearts aflutter. We chose an 'ethnic-looking' background that was perfect for an Indian wedding!

*The true gems of WW are its organizational categories. There were categories I hadn't even thought of (if you can believe it), beyond the standard 'Our Story' or 'Wedding events.' For example, you can add an online RSVP to save paper or add some Puzzles and Games to help your guests get to know you. You can also add your own categories (we added one for wedding events, since we were having a second and separate reception in Miami). One of our favorite features was having a 'What's New' pop-up window come up every time a guest came to the site. We were able to add reminders about booking deadlines, and link guests to our engagement pictures once added.

*The pricing timelines are pretty long, with an option to extend your time afterwards for a small, additional fee.

*WW has some great picture hosting capabilities! We uploaded at least 100 pics from our engagement ceremony with no problems, and later, some pics from the wedding ceremony and reception.

*You can password-protect your website. We didn't do this, just to keep things simple, but for many I'm sure the feature would be useful.

*You can include direct links to your online registries. Please don't be one of those people that lists the registries on the invitation (while many wedding faux pas have become outdated, I think this one still stands)!

*Music! You can include several songs on the website!

The not-so-good:

*It's not a free service, which may be a problem for some. However, I believe it's completely worth the money, considering the organizational features and picture-hosting abilities you get. I'm sure there are free services out there, but I doubt they are as comprehensive as WW.

Tips:

*Keep your family in the loop about your website, and ask them to spread the word. Whenever people asked our parents about directions or events, they always referred people to the website. Soon, everyone was checking it regularly!

*Make the website early...as soon as you book your location and know the date! If you want to send out save-the-dates, it's a good idea to get cracking on the website so you can include the url on your save-the-dates.

*Keep the site as informative and up-to-date as possible. In the beginning, if you have the location and date, you can include these, as well as some basic travel information if you have guests flying in. We had a ton of friends coming via train (NJ Transit or Amtrak), so we uploaded the train schedules in pdf form to the site, and some basic maps of the area.

*We kept things relatively simple, choosing the following categories: Welcome, Bride and Groom, Our Story, Family, Then and Now, NJ wedding events, Miami events, Travel Information, Accommodations, Local Activities, Gift registries, Guestbook, Photo Album, FAQs. Honeymoon info felt a little too personal to dish out to our hundreds of guests, but we're also very private people.

[I have seen wedding websites where the bride will discuss her dress and shoe options, makeup or hair ideas, etc. In my opinion, these have NO place on your wedding website, which is really meant for your guests. Additionally, I would never have posted pics of my design or floral ideas...you want to make an impact and keep things a surprise! My advice would be to make a planning blog and keep the 2 sites separate.]

*People LOVE to see pics of you when you were younger, so we included a handful of our baby and kid pictures. We also had several family pics, so that our guests would recognize the important people of the day!

*If you can, I would opt for the longest length plan possible. We were engaged for just about 1 year, and the 18-month option was perfect for us! After the wedding, many people wrote in our Guestbook congratulating us and saying what a wonderful time they had!

A nice bonus of our website was that it allowed our relatives in India to feel connected to our events, since most of them were unable to attend. The website had enough personal and wedding-related details to help our guests feel connected to us and our families even before the actual day! Similarly, posting pictures from the NJ and Miami events kept the 2 sets of guests informed about everything we had planned. A wedding website is usually very much appreciated by your guests...don't bother with trying to create your own or joining a cheap service...I urge you to try WeddingWindow...it will have EVERYTHING you need!

wedding review: Elegant Affairs (decor)

Photo taken by Milton Gil Photographers

Elegant Affairs
{Decorator}
Review: One of our best vendors! We were thrilled with how everything turned out, and they were a real pleasure to work with.

After I had secured our location and photographer, I set out to book our decorator. It was an easy choice, since I knew I wanted Elegant Affairs. For an Indian wedding, the mandap is the focal point for the wedding. The wedding ceremony takes place inside this structure, and most couples also use it to house a sweetheart or wedding party table for the reception. I had a vision of a mandap swathed in beautiful, beaded fabric along its length and from the ceiling, and I also wanted an open mandap structure. The basic requirement of a mandap is that it have 4 pillars...we have, in the past, sat in an awkward spot of the audience and found our view of the ceremony obstructed by a pillar. I wanted all of our guests to have a good view of the ceremony...elevating the mandap on a stage and having an open structure would accomplish this.

Elegant Affairs is, quite simply, one of the best Indian decorators around. Started by a trio of sisters, the business has grown over the years to include an outpost in Texas along with their tri-state flagships. Shobha was our main liaison, and we were SO happy with her. Our meetings were always accompanied by chai and sweets, and I felt like she really listened to my vision. We were going for simple elegance, with focal points that made a statement, and I think EA ended up accomplishing that beautifully. Below is a list of pros/cons, as well as some tips on covering your decor.

The good:
*From the first meeting where we put down a deposit, to the wedding weekend, Elegant Affairs & Shobha were nothing but professional. Every time we added or subtracted something, a new and itemized pricing contract was drawn up. There were no hidden costs...everything was easily outlined. They also keep you on track as far as timing; for example, making sure you reserve your mandap well in advance, or deciding on the flower arrangements so they can order the bulk.
*They were very honest about pricing with us. It's so easy to add some flowers here or flourishes there, but everything adds up. While Elegant Affairs is not the cheapest, they will work with just about any budget.
*I loved that they were a one-stop shop...they handled just about every aspect of my decor, from the flower arrangements, to the mandap, and even the chargers on the reception tables. This made it incredibly easy to deal with decor, especially planning from a distance.
*Their warehouse is HUGE, and they will gladly walk you through it. I was even allowed to handpick certain items that I wanted for our wedding (e.g., our chairs for the mandap, and the fabric that served as our inspiration for the cocktail hour).
*They really listen to what you want and your vision for your day, while gently giving their opinion to steer you in the right direction.
*Within reason, they can accommodate requests. We needed about 200 carnations at the last minute to hand out to guests prior to the wedding ceremony. Shobha added it to our list and set them up for us with no problems.
*They had worked with our hotel before; like our caterer, they were able to communicate behind the scenes. A part of the mandap canopy had to be attached to the ceiling, which the hotel did not have a problem with (not so for our Miami reception oy!)

The not-so-good (hardly any!):
*Make sure you always meet with your main liaison. Once, I had to meet with Shobha's sister and while she was very nice, I felt as if I was starting from square one, since she wasn't as familiar with what I liked, my vision, or our budget.
*It is important that you come with your own ideas, and pictures of what you want! I found that if you don't have a clear sense of what you want, or at least have pictures, is a bit more difficult to get your vision across.
*They are a bit limited to what's available in their warehouse. Now, keep in mind, the warehouse is HUGE and their supply of props, etc. is varied and unique. Additionally, they are constantly ordering new supplies from India and elsewhere to keep the designs fresh.

Tips:
*It helps to book the decorator and/or florist well in advance of the wedding day, so you have the opportunity to secure what you need or modify your plans. Shobha was willing to order things for us, but would have needed extra time to do so.
*Bring along a rough estimate of your budget. Things like flowers and linens can add up quickly, and you'll want to get a realistic sense of what you can get for your $.
*Be honest about what you like and don't like. I didn't want super bright colors for the wedding or reception, but did want something fun for the cocktail hour. We went with a elegant gold and creams, accented by green, for the wedding and reception...and orange and bright pink for the cocktail hour.
*To that end, it is truly helpful to bring along pictures for inspiration that you've grabbed from wedding magazines or the web.
*Look through their portfolio to get a sense of their style. Elegant Affairs had tons of books showcasing their work, and we had heard about their great reputation from several people. However, I did like to see what they had done in the past...even borrowing here and there from designs I loved.
*If you have big flower arrangements, it's ok to reuse them for another event. We had big arrangements down the wedding aisle and along the mandap...these were reused in our centerpiece arrangements and sweetheart table later. At first, I had this crazy idea that I wanted totally different looks, and then I saw the price tag of each arrangement! You'll save money, and no one will even notice (or care)!

As you can see, I really loved how everything turned out! I think our guests were wowed by the designs, but nothing was over-the-top or garish. I'll end with 2 pics...our centerpiece for the placecards (yes it's a flower elephant!), and our 'tall' reception table centerpieces.

wedding tips: choosing the paparazzi

After we had settled on the location, I set out to research photographers. We were willing to spend a bit more in this area, so I really wanted someone good (and the good ones get booked early during wedding season)! We met with both Indian and non-Indian photographers. I was leaning toward a non-Indian photographer, while my parents wanted an Indian photographer. A traditional Indian wedding is so intricate, with so many important details...they were worried an 'outsider' would fail to capture the nuances of our ceremony. I felt that many of the Indian photographers I checked out tended to be 'cookie cutter'...most trained in India and had some pretty old-school photography styles. Nothing different, nothing artistic, and kind of cheesy!

While I was willing to try something different, it was important that my photographer had done at least a few Indian weddings so that they knew a little bit of the culture, tradition, etc. I also wanted to choose a photography company that had an in-house videographer. Not only did I not have the time to try and track down a separate videographer, but I also wanted the video and photography to be as seamless as possible. Too often, you hear stories about a photog and videog clashing (this, in fact, occurred at our second reception in Miami!) It was also imperative that I be able to keep all electronic proofs after the wedding. It still boggles my mind that people pay so much for a photographer at their wedding events, and they don't even get to keep the pictures! I love the idea of picking through pics that don't make it to my wedding album and someday creating a few 'fun' albums on my own.

Personal recommendations are a great way to start! Wedding photographers come in all shapes and sizes - from large ones devoted exclusively to weddings, to independent photographers that operate alone. It really depends on what kind of pictures you want, as well as your budget. Many times, the independent photographers will have better rates (but not always) with some room for negotiation, and you can get to know them fairly well. On the other hand, larger companies can offer additional photographers if you have a larger wedding (we ended up having 3 photographers for the day, and they did a wonderful job of capturing everything). Independent photographers often take more risks and their photos are more 'artsy.' In all honesty, I would have loved to find someone like this, but being a full-time student located 3 hours from home made it difficult to do the kind of searching I would have liked!

When you have your first meeting with the photog, try and get a feel for them and their personality. The more comfortable you are with your photog, the better your pics will turn out in the end. Look through their portfolio; if they have worked at your specific location, ask if you could see those pics as well. I not only looked through our photog's albums, but I also asked to see the Indian weddings they've shot. I got to see a few different albums, as well as a completed video. Price out your options - particularly if you are upgrading things in your album or asking for a photographer at, say, your rehearsal dinner as well. Our photog didn't give us much wiggle room - everything was an additional, and up-front fee - and the total was much more than we expected when we did the final tally. As for us, after some convincing (and visiting some Indian photographers whose rates were outrageous), my parents felt comfortable with my photog/videog choice, and we booked them! People are amazed at the teaser photos we have (we have yet to finalize our album - for shame!), and I know the albums will be even more amazing!

Don't be shy about asking many questions! Here are a few to get started:

*What are your packages priced at?

*How flexible is each package? Can I add (say, a second full album), or subtract (no thank you cards)?

*Do you offer an engagement session? Where? Is there an additional charge for choosing the place?

*How many photographers/videographers will I have?

*How many hours will you be with us? What is the charge for any additional time?

*Will I be able to keep all of the photos electronically, even if I don't choose them for my wedding album?

*Can I have teaser photos or video in advance?

*When do I receive the final products (albums, proofs, etc.)?

*Would it be possible to show pictures from the wedding during the reception? {This is a common practice at Indian weddings.}

*Will I be able to schedule a few meetings in advance of the wedding to go through my schedule with the photographer and videographer?

wedding tips: location!

Jeez now you see just how much I avoid writing/talking about all things wedding-related! However, I attended a good friend's lovely wedding this weekend and am totally motivated to make good on my goal here. First up, tips of choosing a location! You might want to pick up a regional Knot magazine, or a state-specific wedding magazine (if one exists) to get an idea of your general options. Now keep in mind...the way I approached my wedding planning was not THE way to do it. You have to do what's best for you, based on your allowances and limitations. That brings me to my first point.

1) Work with family and your fiance to jot down a guest list. Having a rough estimate of the number of guests really helps in narrowing down your options. Most Indian weddings tend to be large and all-inclusive. We estimated 300, and had about 380 at the final count. That hotel with wall-to-wall windows in its ballroom overlooking the New York city skyline? It could only hold 200 people. The country club a few miles away? Same story. Many people fall in love with a place, and find themselves restricted by a maximum number of guests....they cut guests here and there to make the numbers work. Having been on the other side of this, you run the risk of offending or hurting people. Now, this isn't to say you should invite anyone and everyone! But be realistic, be accurate, and be consistent in listing invitees.

2) Keep an open mind, and widen the search! At first, I was dead set against having our wedding activities in a hotel. It wasn't novel, and struck me as boring. We initially looked at restaurants and catering halls...later widening the search to hotels. Not only did I soon eat my words re:hotels, but I was really thrilled with the one we eventually chose. It had been recently remodeled inside, and had a modern, spacious look and feel. The ballroom had these amazing chandeliers that looked like raindrops. Everything down to the carpeting felt new and modern. It really seemed to suit us, and the staff seemed very friendly and accommodating...for this and other reasons, a hotel happened to be the best choice for us.

3) Crunch the numbers. We fell in love with one of the halls we visited, and nearly signed that same day! Husband - ever the cautious one - said 'hold your horses' and created a simple Excel spreadsheet for us to do some price comparisons. Since we were having our wedding and reception in the same place, most places first charged a flat wedding fee. For an Indian wedding, I believe the cost of a specific license and fire marshall is included (due to the traditional wedding fire). On top of that, you have a fee charged per person for any meals (breakfast, lunch), and the reception (with a slightly higher fee if you include an open bar). There will always be extras, but these basic fees should provide a good start. Once we crunched the numbers, we saw that we'd be paying nearly twice as much for the hall as we would at a hotel! With over 300 people on our rough guest list, costs added up quickly, and it became clear that giving in on the wedding location would allow us flexibility in other areas.

4) Think about your needs...can the location accommodate you? For example, if you are having the wedding and reception at 2 different locations, obviously you will want them within reasonable proximity to each other. But will you need to change at some point, and will the location provide a private room for you? What about meals? We had a dinner and Haldi ceremony on Friday night, open breakfasts Saturday and Sunday, and a catered lunch just after the wedding. Having our wedding activities at a hotel - specifically, one meant for conferences - opened a plethora of options for us. We were given distinct rooms for each event, and it enabled us to keep our guests informed and in one place. Food is an integral part of Indian celebrations, and the fact that our caterer had worked with the hotel in the past was a plus. Speaking of food, in the tri-state area (NY/NJ/CT), most of the bigger locations (allowing 200+ guests) allow outside catering, and many are exclusive with one Indian caterer in particular. We were lucky, as this is certainly not the case in other locations (like Miami, FL). If you want the option of having outside food catered, you may find yourself with a more limited list.

5) Remember the magic of decor. Don't knock a location off the list because it has ugly hotel chairs. You can always rent Chiavari chairs or chair covers and bows. Hate the walls or the chandeliers? Consider a decorator who works with fabric...loose drapes of fabric along the walls or across the ceiling can transform a ballroom. Peripheral lighting, bright and bold colored table arrangements, a knockout Mandap...all of these can help you create your vision. Look at the space as an empty canvas that you can beautify!

6) Think of your guests. Most of our guests were traveling from out of town - either flying into Newark airport or taking the train from points north or south. Our hotel was within walking distance of the train station, which connected to the airport, Amtrak, and NJ Transit. Most of our guests didn't have to worry about renting a car...we gave detailed instructions on our website and inside the invitation on navigating the public transit, and heard no complaints. Furthermore, having all of our events in the same place as the hotel accommodations was a huge plus, since we had about 6 hours between the wedding and reception. Our guests appreciated the opportunity to nap, change, and catch up with old friends.

These are the major points we used to choose our location, and it worked well for our needs. Below is a list of questions I had either beforehand or in hindsight...some are specific to Indian weddings, but most are fairly universal. I'm sure there are more exhaustive lists somewhere on the web, but this is a good start.

*How is payment calculated (closest estimate of guests or exact number)?

*When is payment due?

*Are the rates negotiable with an increased number of guests?

*Are rates lower on off days (e.g., Friday, Sunday)?

*Where exactly will my activities be held?

*Do you allow outside catering?

*Are there any other weddings planned for the same day? Same time?

*How will staff handle two separate and simultaneous events?

*Are there additional conference rooms available, and what is the cost of rental?

*Do you have any rewards programs (e.g., Hyatt Gold Passport program)?

*Who will be our main liaison for wedding activities? For hotel accommodations?

*Will we have any hotel staff to help with setup of specific aspects (placecards, menus, etc.)?

*Do you provide separate rooms for the men and women to get ready?

*How long are these rooms open?

*Are we limited to specific hours, and how will we be charged for additional time?

*Will you provide signage (e.g., room events, table numbers, etc.)?

*Is there an option to add items to the bar, or do a full upgrade?

*Do you allow signature cocktails to be available?

*Do you allow outside vendors to bring rented chairs, tablecloths, etc?

*How is guest parking handled?

*Do you offer a discounted hotel rate for our guests?

*Is there space for a post-reception gathering (ie: bar, restaurant, lounge)?

*How do you charge for breakfast/lunch for guests? Per person? Flat rate?

*How do you handle guest gift bags upon check-in?

*Where can I have the Bharat?

*What spaces are available for pictures?

*What is the waiter-to-guest ratio?

*How big are the tables and how many guests can be seated at each?

*What contracts and insurance pieces from vendors will I need to provide?

*Do you allow fabric or other decor to be hung from the ceiling?

*How many votive candles are provided/allowed?

*What space is available for the cocktail hour?

*How will hors d'oeuvres be distributed? Where will food stations be?

*Can we have an option of high/low seating at the cocktail hour?

*ETA (7/23) - It helps to know the general pricing in your geographic region. Standard per person hotel fees in New York City, for example, will be widely different from those in Texas. I didn't find it helpful to look at overall average wedding pricing either.

*ETA (7/24) - For Indian weddings, it is especially important that you book a place early. Most families will consult with a priest to determine the most auspicious time and date to wed (based on the bride and groom's astrologies). Our wedding date happened to be one of the most holy days of the year, so it was critical that we found a place for that particular date.

my big fat indian wedding

Pic taken by Milton Gil Photographers

Ok, I can't take the credit for the title...I spotted it on Weddingbee and thought it was a perfect way to describe just about every Indian wedding I've been to. They're big, they're colorful, and they're detailed! With our one-year anniversary about a month away, I have yet to go over any of the work that went into our events (or choose our photos...procrastination much?) Now, truth be told...it was months before I could even look at anything wedding-related, I was that burnt out and over it. But friends and family still tell us how much fun they had, or praise some small detail that I had all but forgotten. I knew nothing going into the process, and worked hard to figure it out along the way, but our special day turned out wonderfully and I'd be remiss if I didn't try to pass along everything I did and learned.

Planning our wedding was especially difficult for us. I was finishing up my second year of classes, and preparing to defend my dissertation proposal (passed my oral exams about 3 weeks before the wedding), while Husband was getting ready to graduate from law school (and take the NY Bar about 2 weeks before the wedding)! Both being the oldest in our families, our parents really learned along with us. It wasn't a painless process for anyone involved, and I definitely took away some lessons learned that can help everyone (Indian & non-Indian):

1) Book the major vendors early. In the tri-state area, wedding vendors come at a premium, and the good ones go fast. Esp. during wedding high season (spring/summer). I booked my location, photographer/videographer, decorator/florist, and caterer within 2 weeks of getting engaged (about 1 year before the wedding).
2) Budgets are nice, but hidden costs make them hard to stick to. Know what the average costs of vendors are in your area, and compromise on where to cut costs versus where to splurge. Many vendors will work with you on pricing and packages, especially if you are expecting a large number of guests. I have read that people who decide to spend a bit more on photography usually have little regrets...they decide to cut back on, say, the floral arrangements.
3) Delegate where possible, but plan in advance for setbacks. Our families were incredibly busy, so asking them for help at every single step wasn't possible. We also did a ton of DIY projects, which required lots of planning and prep. Even though I was pleased with how each project turned out, the stress of finishing them at inopportune times wore on us. This brings me to my next lesson...
4) DIY is not always cheaper or easier. These days, there is a vendor for everything. We made so many things ourselves...favor bag tags, name/table cards, signage, the weekend schedule, invitation inserts, etc. Between the cost of purchasing good quality cardstock and labels and the time spent planning and executing every project, I still wonder if it was worth it. Yes, it's a nice touch, but most people won't notice whether something is a DIY project or bought en masse. Do your research and price it all out. If you still crave the DIY look, Etsy can probably give you everything you want and need.
5) Don't sweat the small stuff. Similar to the DIY advice, it's so easy to get wrapped up in every little detail. Chiavari chairs vs. chair covers and bows! Hand calligraphed invitations vs. letterpress! The perfect shade of white, cream, or gold shoes! Honestly, at the end of the day, these things will not matter to you. Our DJ gave us the best advice on this...people care about 3 things...the food, the booze, and the music...do your best on these and you can ensure a great party. Oh how true it is...
6) Give your family a break, and don't expect the royal treatment. Maybe it's because we were the oldest, with 3 younger sibs to deal with. Or maybe it's because this was the first wedding for both sets of parents. But we did and helped as much as anyone else on our wedding day. Family have quirks, and god knows they can be irritating and grating, but chances are, your fam has butterflies too on the big day. Our siblings were nervous about giving speeches, while our parents were hoping their friends would have a good time. I think too often, people think 'me, me, me' on their wedding day. But for us, it was about family and it was about our guests, and we never lost sight of that.
7) Surf! There are so many wonderful wedding resources online...blogs, forums, articles, etc...all of which you can use for design inspiration, dress ideas, vendor reviews, or general wedding support. I would save pictures of table arrangements, saris, or just random things that inspired the day. Lots of people online use polyvore or a similar site to create inspiration boards. I frequented Weddingbee for DIY help, and bookmarked countless planning blogs. I regret that I didn't document my own process as closely as some blogs do!
8) If possible, leave for the honeymoon a few days after the wedding. We actually had a second reception in Miami, where my in-laws are...this was held a week after our wedding. The week after, we moved me out of Baltimore...so we didn't end up leaving on our honeymoon for over two weeks following the nuptials. We were rejuvenated enough that we could take in everything on our honeymoon, and really soak up the sun and culture. More on that to come...

I'm planning to write a series of reviews on my wedding vendors, along with some tips on dealing with each step of the planning process. With few exceptions, I was extremely pleased with them, and I know I had the hardest time finding reviews on vendors beyond theknot.com. I'm also planning to write reviews on our honeymoon, which we spent mainly in Greece, and then traveling through western Europe. Again, a ton of research went into the 4-week trip, and I would be remiss not to share it!