wedding tips: location!

Jeez now you see just how much I avoid writing/talking about all things wedding-related! However, I attended a good friend's lovely wedding this weekend and am totally motivated to make good on my goal here. First up, tips of choosing a location! You might want to pick up a regional Knot magazine, or a state-specific wedding magazine (if one exists) to get an idea of your general options. Now keep in mind...the way I approached my wedding planning was not THE way to do it. You have to do what's best for you, based on your allowances and limitations. That brings me to my first point.

1) Work with family and your fiance to jot down a guest list. Having a rough estimate of the number of guests really helps in narrowing down your options. Most Indian weddings tend to be large and all-inclusive. We estimated 300, and had about 380 at the final count. That hotel with wall-to-wall windows in its ballroom overlooking the New York city skyline? It could only hold 200 people. The country club a few miles away? Same story. Many people fall in love with a place, and find themselves restricted by a maximum number of guests....they cut guests here and there to make the numbers work. Having been on the other side of this, you run the risk of offending or hurting people. Now, this isn't to say you should invite anyone and everyone! But be realistic, be accurate, and be consistent in listing invitees.

2) Keep an open mind, and widen the search! At first, I was dead set against having our wedding activities in a hotel. It wasn't novel, and struck me as boring. We initially looked at restaurants and catering halls...later widening the search to hotels. Not only did I soon eat my words re:hotels, but I was really thrilled with the one we eventually chose. It had been recently remodeled inside, and had a modern, spacious look and feel. The ballroom had these amazing chandeliers that looked like raindrops. Everything down to the carpeting felt new and modern. It really seemed to suit us, and the staff seemed very friendly and accommodating...for this and other reasons, a hotel happened to be the best choice for us.

3) Crunch the numbers. We fell in love with one of the halls we visited, and nearly signed that same day! Husband - ever the cautious one - said 'hold your horses' and created a simple Excel spreadsheet for us to do some price comparisons. Since we were having our wedding and reception in the same place, most places first charged a flat wedding fee. For an Indian wedding, I believe the cost of a specific license and fire marshall is included (due to the traditional wedding fire). On top of that, you have a fee charged per person for any meals (breakfast, lunch), and the reception (with a slightly higher fee if you include an open bar). There will always be extras, but these basic fees should provide a good start. Once we crunched the numbers, we saw that we'd be paying nearly twice as much for the hall as we would at a hotel! With over 300 people on our rough guest list, costs added up quickly, and it became clear that giving in on the wedding location would allow us flexibility in other areas.

4) Think about your needs...can the location accommodate you? For example, if you are having the wedding and reception at 2 different locations, obviously you will want them within reasonable proximity to each other. But will you need to change at some point, and will the location provide a private room for you? What about meals? We had a dinner and Haldi ceremony on Friday night, open breakfasts Saturday and Sunday, and a catered lunch just after the wedding. Having our wedding activities at a hotel - specifically, one meant for conferences - opened a plethora of options for us. We were given distinct rooms for each event, and it enabled us to keep our guests informed and in one place. Food is an integral part of Indian celebrations, and the fact that our caterer had worked with the hotel in the past was a plus. Speaking of food, in the tri-state area (NY/NJ/CT), most of the bigger locations (allowing 200+ guests) allow outside catering, and many are exclusive with one Indian caterer in particular. We were lucky, as this is certainly not the case in other locations (like Miami, FL). If you want the option of having outside food catered, you may find yourself with a more limited list.

5) Remember the magic of decor. Don't knock a location off the list because it has ugly hotel chairs. You can always rent Chiavari chairs or chair covers and bows. Hate the walls or the chandeliers? Consider a decorator who works with fabric...loose drapes of fabric along the walls or across the ceiling can transform a ballroom. Peripheral lighting, bright and bold colored table arrangements, a knockout Mandap...all of these can help you create your vision. Look at the space as an empty canvas that you can beautify!

6) Think of your guests. Most of our guests were traveling from out of town - either flying into Newark airport or taking the train from points north or south. Our hotel was within walking distance of the train station, which connected to the airport, Amtrak, and NJ Transit. Most of our guests didn't have to worry about renting a car...we gave detailed instructions on our website and inside the invitation on navigating the public transit, and heard no complaints. Furthermore, having all of our events in the same place as the hotel accommodations was a huge plus, since we had about 6 hours between the wedding and reception. Our guests appreciated the opportunity to nap, change, and catch up with old friends.

These are the major points we used to choose our location, and it worked well for our needs. Below is a list of questions I had either beforehand or in hindsight...some are specific to Indian weddings, but most are fairly universal. I'm sure there are more exhaustive lists somewhere on the web, but this is a good start.

*How is payment calculated (closest estimate of guests or exact number)?

*When is payment due?

*Are the rates negotiable with an increased number of guests?

*Are rates lower on off days (e.g., Friday, Sunday)?

*Where exactly will my activities be held?

*Do you allow outside catering?

*Are there any other weddings planned for the same day? Same time?

*How will staff handle two separate and simultaneous events?

*Are there additional conference rooms available, and what is the cost of rental?

*Do you have any rewards programs (e.g., Hyatt Gold Passport program)?

*Who will be our main liaison for wedding activities? For hotel accommodations?

*Will we have any hotel staff to help with setup of specific aspects (placecards, menus, etc.)?

*Do you provide separate rooms for the men and women to get ready?

*How long are these rooms open?

*Are we limited to specific hours, and how will we be charged for additional time?

*Will you provide signage (e.g., room events, table numbers, etc.)?

*Is there an option to add items to the bar, or do a full upgrade?

*Do you allow signature cocktails to be available?

*Do you allow outside vendors to bring rented chairs, tablecloths, etc?

*How is guest parking handled?

*Do you offer a discounted hotel rate for our guests?

*Is there space for a post-reception gathering (ie: bar, restaurant, lounge)?

*How do you charge for breakfast/lunch for guests? Per person? Flat rate?

*How do you handle guest gift bags upon check-in?

*Where can I have the Bharat?

*What spaces are available for pictures?

*What is the waiter-to-guest ratio?

*How big are the tables and how many guests can be seated at each?

*What contracts and insurance pieces from vendors will I need to provide?

*Do you allow fabric or other decor to be hung from the ceiling?

*How many votive candles are provided/allowed?

*What space is available for the cocktail hour?

*How will hors d'oeuvres be distributed? Where will food stations be?

*Can we have an option of high/low seating at the cocktail hour?

*ETA (7/23) - It helps to know the general pricing in your geographic region. Standard per person hotel fees in New York City, for example, will be widely different from those in Texas. I didn't find it helpful to look at overall average wedding pricing either.

*ETA (7/24) - For Indian weddings, it is especially important that you book a place early. Most families will consult with a priest to determine the most auspicious time and date to wed (based on the bride and groom's astrologies). Our wedding date happened to be one of the most holy days of the year, so it was critical that we found a place for that particular date.